Trilingue

I love foreign films.

Well, not all foreign films. I love French and occasionally Italian films. I can't explain why, except that I love the different cultures, and I think the language is beautiful. I took 4 years of French in high school, but I am still weary when it comes to speaking the language. I can understand well, but still, I am self conscious about the pronunciation.

Lucky for me, I have signed up for Rosetta Stone (a couple of years ago). I started, and of course I stopped soon after (I have a tendency to NEVER finish my projects). Lately, I have been watching a lot of films, and I thought to myself "wouldn't it be nice if you could get rid of subtitles?"

Subtitles drive my family crazy, but I must use them. I am afraid to miss one bit of information that can change my understanding of the film, then it's all lost! The film won't make any sense, because I missed some crucial information.

Anyway, I am determined to learn the language, and hopefully someday I can actually visit France.

Raining? No. It's pouring.

1. Boyfriend was laid off on Tuesday (3 weeks after I finally turned in my notice for second job).
2. Boyfriend's mom was in a car accident last night.
3. My grandma is in the hospital again.

I don't like these type of surprises (no one does I am sure), and normally I would be cursing everyone and their mothers. I can't this time, I can't feel that way and I refuse to let these negative situations get the best of me. Things are far from perfect right now, and yes I am worried about what is going to happen but I know it will pass. I hope to one day, look back and see that I was right and that things worked out in the end. Okay, the boyfriend was laid off, but I still have a job and we are healthy. We will struggle, but we will make it.

I am ashamed to admit this, but sometimes I wonder if there is a God somewhere. I see all the painful things that happen to those I love and even myself, and I can't help but wonder. Last night, when we learned about the car accident I panicked. Her car slid and rolled over! When people stopped to help her she was hanging upside down, strapped on her seat belt. She was not injured, she just had some minor cuts. When I saw her in the hospital, I looked at her and we both knew that God was watching over her. You know what that feels like? I can't explain it, but the warmth and calm that took over me was amazing. I am so thankful that she is well, that she is alive and that he watched over her.

My grandma is in the hospital again, and I honestly don't know if she will make it much longer. I hate to think this way, but I have to prepare myself for it. I know it's going to hurt so much when it happens, and I wish I could be there but I can't. I am helpless, and I don't know if it's best for me to be here. I don't know if I could stay emotionally stable if I see her. Maybe I am just a coward, but I refuse to give up on the thought that she will get better and she will go home.  

Change is Not Welcome

 I know there is no such thing as being "neutral" when it comes to emotions, but I like to think that I don't allow them to take over (when I am alone all hell breaks loose). This month has been challenging for me emotionally and physically. My grandmother's birthday would have been on the 7th of this month. I miss her so much, and even though so many years have passed, I can't help but wish that it was a nightmare and that she was still here with us. My mom is torn between happiness during this month, missing my grandmother and my brother's birthday (9/11). I hate to see her so sad, and I wish I could comfort her but I can't even make myself happy.

School is becoming harder each week, and I couldn't handle the pressure anymore. I have put in my notice to my second job, and while it will reduce the stress in my life I will miss the people I've worked with so long, and of course the extra income. I have always complained about working there, but it wasn't about the people or the management - it was the customers that come to the place. I grew tired of dealing with the crap dealing with certain type of customers brings.

Finally, I have taken a different direction in regards to my relationship. The change didn't happen the way I expected it would. When I first made the decision, it felt like it was the right thing to do. I thought about the negative aspects of the relationship and the struggles. Being alone can be a scary thing, and feeling alone surrounded by people is worse. I suppose the decision is harder because I am still in love, it doesn't make sense to some to end a relationship when you still have feelings, but sometimes it's just not enough. I wish I could make things work out my way, for things to change for the better. I know sometimes things change for the better, but we don't realize it because "better" wasn't exactly what we wanted. I know time heals, but time isn't going by fast enough.

Being Confused is Normal

I am convinced that there is a correlation between caring and confusion. It seems to me that when I care about people and things going around me, I am often confused. I am confused by what people say, what people do, and how people react. For example, you can have a conversation with someone they will totally misinterpret what they hear you say, and then repeat what they "think" they heard and thus create a misunderstanding cluster-popsicle. Why? Why does this happen? Why can't I just give my opinion about something, without it being misinterpreted? And why must people repeat everything I am CONFIDING in them? I don't open my mouth if I am told not to, I guess I expect the same courtesy.

Anyway, so I obviously care about work. I mean, I don't like to work here but the people are nice and the cops I have come across have been fantastic(I need to ask for stickers next time). However, at this place I am often confused by people's behavior. There is a coffee machine in the lobby, and there is a sign on it that says "Do not remove coffee pot WHILE COFFEE IS BREWING" so tell me why people REMOVE the coffee pot when the coffee is brewing?! Oh! And the nerve of some people to laugh and giggle like it's the cutest thing ever. No. It's not cute, it's freaking ridiculous (If someone happens to burn themselves because of this, I will laugh so loud people within a one mile radius will hear me)! Read the freaking sign! Just read it, and let the coffee complete its brewing process, it takes three minutes!

The moral of the story is: DON'T REMOVE THE FREAKING COFFEE POT UNLESS THE COFFEE IS NOT BREWING! Oh, and keep your mouth shut if someone confides in you. You make things bad or worse for people.

Funny Day

There are days that surprise me, and in a good way. Laughing is definitely something everyone should practice more often (I heard it's good for you). I am glad no one reads this blog otherwise my co-worker might kill me, but that's okay I think I can take this individual.

1. Our bathroom has a heater, and the switch for the light and heater are right next to each other. A friend came over and wanted to use the restroom, when he came out it looked like he ran a marathon in the Sahara. He accidentally turned the switch for the heater while in the bathroom.I wish I had a tape for it, I think we would definitely get mentioned on AFV.

2. At work we had to order a "get well" card for a 7 year old. The individual in charge of this was a guy...no offense but he was freaking out about ordering this princess package. Anyway, I took over and passed the card around for everyone to sign. When I get the card back and revise it I see that one of my co-workers wrote "get well soon?" I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. I asked him "you put a question mark?!" and he said "oh! ha ha it was supposed to be a balloon."

Good times.